Dying of Desire
(under construction)
An all-Oregon operetta
based on the novel by
Glenn Harris,
with libretto and music by
Ashley Hastings
Dying of Desire follows a detective duo in Portland through two event-filled days in which they solve three cases and confess their love for each other.
Featuring both evil-minded and golden-hearted prostitutes and criminals, the plot winds its twisty way through the mysteries as the characters each reveal their inner darkness or light.
The disparate plot threads all come together in a stunning climax.
Plus, there are cats!
Clint McCall and Devon Malone are partners in a Portland detective agency. Clint is in love with Devon; Devon finds Clint attractive, but she worries about having an office romance.
Business has been slow, but on a single day, three cases fall into their laps:
- In a voice message, Alicia Roman asks for help finding her husband, Morgan Klodpusser, a Seattle diamond dealer known to his friends as "Spike." He went to Portland two weeks ago and hasn't been heard from since. He has a history of patronizing prostitutes.
- Tanya Petoskaya, the president of the Lifestream Foundation board, visits the detective office to ask for help. Her board members are receiving death threats from an unknown caller.
- Clint's friend Veronica Fortune, an ex-prostitute and the owner of the Pen and Pastry Café, calls and asks for help figuring out why her new hire, ex-prostitute LeAnn Hannaford, is terrified of her former boss, the vicious pimp Malcolm (Mal) Guth.
Clint and Devon visit the Lifestream Foundation, meet the receptionist Kristi, and interview the board—but learn nothing useful.
Clint and Devon go to the Pen and Pastry Café. Clint's daughter Colleen tries to get LeAnn to explain why she is so afraid of Mal, but LeAnn refuses to talk, except to say that Mal won't let her go. Two friends from the underworld—pimp Reuben Keys and fence Merritt (the Ferret) Badger—show up and share what little they know about Mal. Just then, Mal himself rushes in and tries to take LeAnn by force, but the others protect her. Mal leaves, vowing revenge.
In the wee hours of the following morning, Mal sets fire to the Pen and Pastry Café. Clint rushes to the scene. When he returns home, he finds that Mal has trashed his house.
Later that morning, in the detective office, LeAnn explains her dilemma. Mal has killed one of her customers, a diamond dealer who called himself "Spike," and retains evidence that frames LeAnn for the murder. He threatens to take the evidence to the police unless LeAnn returns to him (mystery #3 explained). Clint and Devon surmise that "Spike" is the missing Morgan Klodpusser (mystery #1 explained). LeAnn also reveals that Kristi, the Lifestream receptionist, used to work for Mal, who was furious when Kristi left.
Clint, Devon, and Reuben break into Mal's apartment to search for the incriminating evidence. They find it: a gun with LeAnn's fingerprints, a bag of diamonds, and one of Morgan's hands! They take the gun and call the police. Unfortunately, Mal enters during the search, sees them, and sneaks away.
Tanya Petoskaya calls to report that three of her board members have been found dead in their homes. Clint, Devon, and Reuben rush over to the Lifestream office, where Tanya, Kristi, and board member Barbara Schilling are huddled in terror. It is revealed that Tanya runs a high-class call girl ring that includes Kristi.
Just then, a new character barges in: Tony Zahl, a drug kingpin who used to date Tanya. He wants to take over her call-girl outfit, but she refuses to do business with him; so he intends to kill her and take her place. He has been killing the other board members as a smokescreen, to hide his true motive (mystery #2 explained).
Mal Guth storms in. He declares that he will kill Clint, Devon, Reuben, and Kristi, as revenge for losing LeAnn. Tony and Mal prepare to slaughter everyone to leave no witnesses. Reuben then points out that if the two killers don't want any witnesses, one of them will have to kill the other. Tony and Mal immediately shoot each other to death. (All cases resolved!).
Later, back at Clint's house, the two detectives profess their love and fall into each other's arms.
| Sung
lines are in this font. Spoken lines are in this font. Characters in order of appearance:
|
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ACT I |
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Scene 1: A Squalid Hotel Room |
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LeAnn enters,
followed by Morgan, who is carrying a sample case.
They begin to undress. |
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MORGAN What's your name, sweetheart? |
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| LEANN Just call me Jewel. |
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| MORGAN OK, Jewel. Just call me Spike. |
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| LEANN OK, Spike. You pay in advance |
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| MORGAN I know how it works. |
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| LEANN You gotta use protection. |
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| MORGAN I know how it works. |
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| LEANN I won't do nothin' kinky. |
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| MORGAN We'll see about that. |
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Mal
enters, slamming the door behind him.
|
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MORGAN What the fuck? |
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Mal shoots Morgan.
Morgan drops dead.
|
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LEANN Mal! Why did you shoot him, Mal? |
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| MAL Here, Jewel! Hold the gun! |
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LeAnn takes the gun. |
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MAL Aha! |
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| |
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|
Scene 2: Clint McCall's Bedroom |
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Clint is asleep. Stella and Maxine are heard but not seen. |
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STELLA, MAXINE Meow, meow, meow, meow. |
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|
Clint wakes up.
|
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CLINT Good morning, Stella. |
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| STELLA Meow. |
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| CLINT Good morning, Maxine. |
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| MAXINE Meow. |
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| CLINT (to audience) Oh, hi there! Give me a minute to feed the cats. I’ll be right back. |
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| CLINT (to cats) I'm coming, girls! |
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| STELLA,
MAXINE Meow, meow, meow, meow. |
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Clint gets up and leaves the bedroom, still clearly
audible from offstage.
|
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CLINT I can't walk with you between my legs! |
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| STELLA,
MAXINE Meow, meow. |
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| CLINT Get off the table! |
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| STELLA,
MAXINE Meow, meow, meow. |
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| CLINT Enjoy your breakfast, girls. |
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Clint returns to
the bedroom.
|
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CLINT (to audience) Thank you for your patience. Now I'll introduce myself. My name is Clint McCall. And I'm a private eye. I live and work in Portland. Portland, Oregon. I do not work alone. I have a partner named Malone. Devon Malone. And I'm in love with her. But I do live alone, except for Stella and Maxine. They are beautiful cats, but shy as shadows, and seldom to be seen. I also have a daughter. Her name is Colleen. She's fast on her feet, her smile is sweet, and her mind is keen. I love Colleen, my daughter Colleen! I love my job! A detective's life for me! Finding missing persons and stolen goods. Meeting ritzy people from ritzy neighborhoods. Spying on cheating husbands and wives. Helping troubled people sort out their lives. Matching wits with cops and crooks, just like you read about in paperback books. I almost feel like I live in a paperback book! And I love Portland! It's my kind of town. Big but not too big, weird but not too weird, the City of Roses never lets me down. It's a wonderful town. And I love my cats, and my daughter, and my home, and I love my partner, Devon Malone. But I don't know how she feels about me. I'm a detective, but I can't detect how Devon feels about me. Time for meditation and breakfast, then off to work. Catch you later! |
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Scene 3: Detective Agency Office |
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Devon is sitting
at her desk.
|
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DEVON (to audience) Good morning. I'm Devon Malone. I'm half of the McCall-Malone Detective Agency in Portland. I used to be a cop. But that's another story. My partner Clint should be here soon. Meanwhile, I will pass the time by reflecting on my life. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror, and ask myself "Devon, what is the plan?" Is this my future? Working with Clint? He is a worthy, goodhearted man. But I know that he's sweet on me. So what should my policy be? Yes, he's attractive, but office romances are tricky and risky at best. When Clint makes his hesitant, timid advances, I gently but firmly protest. I act very cool. And Clint is no fool. He backs off and gives it a rest. And I don't say a word, but my feelings are stirred, and I don't know how long I can keep being strong and resist, resist, resist the temptation to kiss and be kissed! I love this job! I love what I do! I'm strong, and I'm sharp, and I'm able. How can I keep us both focused on work, with a tempting love affair there on the table? Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror, and my reflection looks back at me, and shakes her head, and rolls her eyes. Where this is going I cannot see. Unless, some day, to my surprise, "he" and "I" turn out to be "we." |
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Clint enters. |
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CLINT Good morning! |
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| DEVON Oh! It IS still morning! I was starting to think about lunch. |
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| CLINT You're always hungry! Devon, I've been thinking about your appetite. It seem you're always hungry. Something is not right. Daily meditation might improve your self-control. It benefits the body and satisfies the soul. |
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| DEVON I had no idea that you thought about me so. It's true, I'm often hungry. But there's something you should know. I have a very rapid metabolic rate. I can eat forever and never put on weight. I am an omnivorous woman. I am an omnivore. I'm eager to eat any edible treat, and then I'll ask for more. Just give me some pasta and I'll eat it fahstah than you can say "vermicelli." And I love me some ham, or a leg of lamb with a dollop of mint jelly. And as for desserts, it never hurts to put ice cream on my pie. On my pie! On my pie! Yes, I am an omnivorous woman. An omnivore am I! |
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| CLINT Devon, I am sorry if I seem to patronize. But I frequently see anxiety when I look into your eyes. I truly believe meditation would be good for you. I'll teach you what to do. You can learn to do it by degrees. Sit on a cushion on the floor. Rest on your lower legs and knees. Slowly take a breath, and slowly let it out. Let your mind go blank. No thoughts to think about. And I think you'll find peace of mind. |
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| DEVON Peace of mind! Peace of mind! I'll give you a piece of my mind! Listen, Mister Clint McCall! I don't think you get me at all! I'm not trying to be funny but I need to make more money. I get hungry when I'm worried and I worry when I'm hungry! I would like to know where is all the dough I'm supposed to make working here with you? Where is all my dough? Bread is made from dough. How can I buy food, I am asking you. |
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| CLINT It will all work out. You should have no doubt. Business will pick up. That I promise you. Soon the phone will ring, it will surely bring clients who will pay, I am telling you. |
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| DEVON Let's talk! |
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| (to
audience) Let me explain the background. |
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| CLINT Is this really necessary? |
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| DEVON
(to audience) I used to be a cop. I was good at my job, and I enjoyed it. Then I met this guy. He was looking for a missing baby. I helped him, but I broke some rules, and I got fired. |
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| CLINT
(to audience) And I realized that I owed her, and I offered her a full partnership! |
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| DEVON Another reason was that you had the hots for me. |
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They look awkwardly away from each other. |
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CLINT Well, I thought you were signaling that you liked me too. |
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| DEVON Don't push your luck. |
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| (to
audience) Anyway, I'm not making enough money here. I'm going broke! |
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| CLINT
(to audience) I keep telling her that things will pick up. I normally get twice as many calls as I can handle by myself. The phone will start ringing soon and we’ll be fine. |
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| CLINT
(to Devon) Speaking of which, have you checked the voice mail? |
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| DEVON
(to Clint) I was waiting for you. Let’s see if we have anything. |
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Devon turns on the voice mail. Alicia's voice is heard. |
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ALICIA My name is Alicia Roman. I’m calling from Seattle. I need your help. My husband has gone missing. He left two weeks ago. I think he went to Portland. But I'm not sure. My husband is a diamond dealer. His name is Morgan Klodpusser. K-L-O-D-P-U-S-S-E-R. Klodpusser. His friends call him “Spike.” Just to be clear, I did not take his name when we were married. I am Alicia Roman, not Mrs. Morgan Klodpusser. Please call me as soon as you can. I'm about to lose hope. |
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| DEVON
(to audience) We phoned Alicia and agreed to look for her missing husband. She Paypalled us a retainer and emailed us a recent photo. She also advised us to start by interviewing local prostitutes. It’s a beautiful thing when married people know each other so well! |
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| CLINT
(to audience) But as soon as we got off the phone with Alicia Roman, more business came calling, in the form of a woman named Tanya. She turned out to be quite a character! |
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Tanya enters while Clint is delivering the above line. |
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TANYA My name is Tatyana Nikolayevna Petoskaya, but you can call me Tanya, it's much easier to say. I know I sound Russian, but I assure you I was born and raised in the U. S. A. My parents are Russian speaking Old Believers. I was home schooled in Russian, in a Russian neighborhood. I spoke only Russian until I was sixteen, and that's why my English doesn't sound so good. I love my parents, and I respect them and their old beliefs and ways. But Old Believers do not believe in much of anything we do these days. They don't believe in television, movies, or dancing, or going out to dinner at a fancy restaurant. They don't believe in eating meat on Wednesdays or Fridays, or giving their daughter anything that she might want. So I left my parents' home just as soon as I was grown. I went into business and I'm doing very well. I love my life of freedom and pleasure, and I don't expect to go to Hell! |
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| CLINT,
DEVON What can we do for you, Tanya? |
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| TANYA The Lifestream Foundation is being threatened. |
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| CLINT,
DEVON What is the Lifestream Foundation? |
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| TANYA The Lifestream Foundation is a full-service shelter for homeless people. I am the president. |
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| CLINT,
DEVON What is the problem? |
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| TANYA For weeks, we've been getting anonymous phone calls falsely accusing us of doctoring our books. Then, yesterday, the same person called again and said: "Every member of the Lifestream Foundation Board of Directors is going to die." |
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| CLINT Have you called the police? |
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| TANYA No! We don't want publicity! We don't want to scare our donors! That's why I've come to you. This must be kept out of the public eye. I will pay you whatever you require. |
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| CLINT
(to audience) Tanya gave us a substantial retainer. We agreed to visit the Lifestream Foundation after lunch, to interview the board. |
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| DEVON
(to audience) We ate lunch at the Home Run Sports Bar. I had a Grand Slam Burger with extra fries! |
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| CLINT
(to audience) I had a salad. Trying to stay light on my feet. |
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| DEVON
(to audience) He stole some of my fries when he thought I wasn't watching. |
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| CLINT Come on, you had lots of fries! |
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| DEVON I didn't eat any of your salad! |
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Scene 4: The Lifestream Foundation Office |
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Clint and Devon enter. Kristi is sitting at the reception desk. |
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KRISTI Hi, I'm Kristi. Can I help you? |
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| CLINT Clint McCall and Devon Malone. I believe Tanya is expecting us. |
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| KRISTI Oh yes. The board is in the dining room, just finishing lunch. They'll join you any minute now. Please have a seat. |
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| DEVON
(to audience) She looks like a "working girl," if you know what I mean. |
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| KRISTI
(to audience) I'm probably not supposed to sing to you. I'm not the star of this show. But I saw how she was looking at me, and there's something I want you to know. Judge not. Judge not. Not till you've walked in my shoes. Judge not. Judge not. I used to walk the streets at night, stand on corners, wave at passing cars, and invite strange men, lonely men, smelly, crude, pathetic men, invite them to pick me up and spend ten or fifteen minutes with me, grunting, sweaty minutes with me, for a fee, a lousy, pathetic fee. Judge not. Judge not. My pimp was a monster named Guth. Mal Guth. Malcolm Guth. He made me work even if I was sick, and after I had turned a trick, If I made twelve dollars, Mal took nine, and he beat me if I dared to whine. Judge not. Judge not. A few months ago, on a sunny day, I looked in a mirror and I hated what I saw. So while Mal was asleep, I ran away. I escaped from the clutches of his cruel claws! I disappeared without a trace, and now I’m in a better place, and I don’t walk the streets any more! Now, I am a call girl, a high-class call girl. I serve a very exclusive clientele. Rich men, famous men, powerful, important men, men whose names you would know (but I won't tell!) I meet them in hotel rooms, the very best hotel rooms. And they treat me with respect, and they pay me very well! And I'm saving my money, and I'm gonna go to college. I’m gonna study social work and earn my degree. And then, when my phone rings, I won't go to hotel rooms. I'll go to meet my clients, people just like me. People of all ages, people of all races, people who are trying to escape from dark places. I have escaped from a dark, dark place. Now I'm reaching for the light. There's so much darkness in the world. I want to BE a light. Judge not. |
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Tanya, Barbara, Norm, Jesse, and Stanley enter. |
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TANYA Kristi, I have an errand for you. Here's the address. |
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| KRISTI Thank you, Tanya. |
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| KRISTI (to audience) Judge not. |
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Kristi leaves,
walking past Clint and Devon without a glance,
head held high.
Clint and Devon
turn toward the others.
|
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CLINT I’m Clint McCall. This is my partner, Devon Malone. |
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| TANYA I’ll let my colleagues introduce themselves. |
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| JESSE I’m Jesse Carter. I’m a software engineer. |
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| TANYA Jesse makes money by turning digits into dollars. |
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| NORMAN I’m Norman Albright. I’m in the timber business. |
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| TANYA Norm makes money by turning trees into toothpicks. |
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| STANLEY I’m Stanley Overton. I’m a vice-president at Oregon First Bank. |
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| TANYA Stanley turns OTHER people’s money into HIS money. |
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| BARBARA I’m Barbara Schilling. My husband manufactures plumbing fixtures. |
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| TANYA The Schillings are flush with cash. |
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| CLINT Nice to meet you all. We understand you’ve received some nasty phone calls. |
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| DEVON Are you aware of any problems with your books? And do you know why anyone would want to kill you? |
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| BARBARA,
JESSE, NORMAN, STANLEY,
TANYA No! No! No! No! No! Please let us explain who we are and what we do. When you've heard our story, we're sure that you will understand why we are vexed and perplexed by these dreadful threats. We are good. We are good. We do no harm. And we view these vicious threats with fear and alarm. The Lifestream Foundation is a charity. Now let us elaborate, for the sake of clarity. We are a very above-board board. We never cook our books. We feel that virtue is its own reward. We are not crooks! We help the homeless find shelter and food, medical care and employment. All of our work is for the public good. It's not for our personal enjoyment. We support the Foundation with money and time, and we love to help people in need. Doctoring our books would be a stupid crime. We never would succumb to greed. All our activities are purely benevolent. They should not arouse any feelings malevolent. If someone wants to kill us, we don't know why. We're good guys. We don't deserve to die. We are good. We are good. We do no harm. And we view these vicious threats with fear and alarm. We are a very above-board board. We don't deserve to die. |
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| DEVON
(to audience) We didn’t get much useful information from the board. Although they did seem to be a very harmonious group. |
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| CLINT
(to audience) But then I got a phone call from my good friend Veronica Fortune. Veronica owns the Pen and Pastry Café. She was worried about a new waitress that she had just hired, and she asked us to come over and see if we could help sort it out. |
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| DEVON
(to audience) Veronica is an ex-prostitute. Her employees are all ex-prostitutes. And her café is just down the street from Clint's house.... So I do wonder about that. |
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Scene 5: The Pen
and Pastry Café
|
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LeAnn and Colleen
are sitting together at a table, deep in
conversation.
Clint and Devon
are sitting at another table nearby.
|
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CLINT (to audience) When we walked into the Pen and Pastry, my daughter Colleen was there. That wasn't unusual--it's her favorite hangout. Colleen was deep in conversation with the new waitress. That wasn't unusual either--Colleen never met a stranger. |
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| DEVON
(to audience) We took a table nearby and listened. That’s what detectives do. Also, I had a ham and cheese croissant, yum! |
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| LEANN When I was a girl, I dreamed that I’d grow up to be a normal woman, with a high school diploma, a steady job, a husband, a house, a car, two children, a dog, and a flower garden. But my dreams never got very far. I might as well have wished on a star. Bad family, bad neighborhood, bad friends. If your life starts out bad, that’s how it ends. |
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| COLLEEN My father is a caring man. He will help you if he can. Trust my father, please, LeAnn. Tell him what the trouble is. |
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| LEANN My father is a jailbird, and my mother--never mind. They never fed me very well. I ate what I could find. I went to school hungry, fell asleep in study hall. After school, I went to beg for handouts at the mall. Bad family, bad neighborhood, bad friends. If your life starts out bad, that’s how it ends. |
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| COLLEEN Your parents may have let you down, You're from a nasty part of town. Now, let's turn your life around. Tell us what the trouble is. |
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| LEANN I started doing drugs whenever I could score. I went from bad to worse. I ended up a whore. Trading sex for money is the only job I know. Now I want to quit—but my pimp won’t let me go! Bad family, bad neighborhood, bad friends. If your life starts out bad, that’s how it ends. |
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| COLLEEN LeAnn, please let me be your friend. A friend on whom you can depend. Whatever's wrong, I'll help to mend. Tell me what the trouble is. |
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| LEANN I can't! |
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|
Veronica comes
out of the kitchen.
|
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VERONICA LeAnn, I’ve asked my friend Reuben Keys to come over. He was my pimp, back in the day. Maybe he can advise us. |
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| LEANN You were a whore too? |
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| VERONICA Absolutely! |
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| DEVON (to
audience) I hope you aren't getting the impression that prostitution is the main industry in Portland! It's just that in our line of work, we run into this sort of thing more often than you probably do. For a more rounded picture of this great city, go to portland.com. Not now though; please wait till after the show. |
||||
| VERONICA I was a lady of the night. I was a real good looker. I did my job just right. I was the “Queen of the Hookers.“ I turned my life into a book. The title of my book was “Whore.” Five hundred thousand readers paid to take a look, and a lady of the night I am no more. So I bought this little café, and I named it “Pen and Pastry.” I write and I bake, that's how I spend my days. My books sell well, and my pies are tasty. Now I'm a lady of the day. I've found a better path to follow. I sleep all night in my own bed, and dream sweet dreams about tomorrow. And all my employees are ex-prostitutes who want to build new lives. That's why I hired you, LeAnn. |
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| LEANN But I don't know if I can stay with you! I don't know what to do! |
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Reuben enters. |
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REUBEN Veronica, baby! I'm here! Hey, Clint! Hey, Devon! Hey, Colleen! |
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| VERONICA Reuben, this is LeAnn Hannaford, my new employee. |
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| REUBEN Hello, LeAnn! Well, my name is Reuben Keys, and in case you ain’t heard, I’m a tough S-O-B, but I’m a man of my word. If I say I’m gonna do a thing, I go ahead and do it. If I bite somethin' off, then I go ahead and chew it. I’m a tough S-O-B, but I’m a man of my word. Well, I run a little business with ladies of the night. I keep’em off drugs, and I treat’em right. I make sure they’re healthy, and they earn a lotta dough. If they want to quit the business, I'm glad to let'em go. I’m a tough S-O-B, but I’m a man of my word. I dine at McDonald’s. I drive a Cadillac. And if you double-cross me, you better watch your back. When I get mad, I lower the boom, and someone wakes up in a hospital room. I’m a tough S-O-B, but I’m a man of my word. Well, my name is Reuben Keys, and in case you ain’t heard, I’m a tough S-O-B, but I’m a man of my word. If I say I’m gonna do a thing, I go ahead and do it. If I bite somethin' off, then I go ahead and chew it. I’m a tough S-O-B, but I’m a man of my word. Oh, yeah! Now, Veronica dear, what’s goin’ on? |
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| VERONICA The phone rang this morning. It was a man. He said, “Lemme talk to Jewel.” I said, “There’s no one here named Jewel,” He said, “I mean LeAnn Hannaford.” I said, “And who are you?” He said, “Malcolm Guth.” I called LeAnn to the phone. She listened for a minute. Then she started crying. I took the phone and asked, “What do you want?” He said, “I want her back. She’s my girl. She's my whore.” So I hung up on the motherfucker. |
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| REUBEN Mal Guth gives us pimps a bad name. LeAnn, why don't you just ignore that piece of trash? |
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| LEANN
(sobbing) I can't tell you! |
||||
Merritt enters |
||||
MERRITT Hello, Veronica! Hello Reuben! And there's Devon, and Clint, and Colleen! Is this a party? I love parties! But why wasn't I invited? |
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| REUBEN This ain't no party. |
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| VERONICA We have a problem. |
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| COLLEEN LeeAnn is being hassled by a creep named Malcolm Guth. |
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| MERRITT That's bad news! LeAnn, I don't believe we've met. |
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| REUBEN LeAnn, this is our friend Merritt the Ferret. |
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| MERRITT Reuben, please! Don't call me that! My name is Merritt Badger. Please do not call me Ferret. I know you think it's funny, but I cannot bear it. My name is Merritt Badger, but a Boy Scout I am not. I never help old ladies cross the street, and I smoke a lot of pot. I have a little storefront. It’s smelly and it’s junky. The shelves are full of rubbish, and a moldy old stuffed monkey. But in my back room are the things that people come to buy. The prices are amazingly low, and the quality is high. I get my goods from burglars who collect them from the houses of people who are not at home, and neither are their spouses. And look—I’m a crook. There’s no other way to say it. I’m acquainted with the Law, but I often disobey it. But I’m reasonably friendly, and it really won’t offend me if you call me a crook. That’s OK in my book. But I simply cannot bear it when people call me “Ferret”! |
||||
Mal enters,
unnoticed at first.
|
||||
MERRITT As for Mal Guth... Yes, I know him. Nasty, mean, violent. Beats his girls, pays them almost nothing. Drives around in a bright red Lincoln Continental like he’s the King of Portland. Mal Guth is a dog turd on the sidewalk of life. |
||||
| MAL Merritt the Ferret! Merritt the Ferret! Merritt the Ferret! |
||||
| LEANN Mal! Oh my God! |
||||
| MAL And there’s my little Jewel! Come on, Jewel. Come with me. Back where you're supposed to be. I'm your man and you're my girl. I'm the center of your world. Here in Portland I'm the king. I can give you everything. You will look so ornamental in my red Lincoln Continental. If you don't come back, then here's a clue: Somethin' bad gonna happen to you. Somethin' bad gonna happen to you. |
||||
| DEVON I don't think LeAnn wants to go with you. |
||||
| MAL What's it to you, bitch? |
||||
| CLINT You shut your mouth, you little punk! You don’t talk to my partner that way! |
||||
| In one swift
move, Devon draws her Glock and sticks it in Mal’s
ear.
|
||||
DEVON Do you want to say that again? |
||||
| MAL No. |
||||
| DEVON
(hostering her Glock) You're not as dumb as you look. |
||||
| CLINT Get out of here, Guth. |
||||
| MAL Watch it, wise guy. I'll pound your ass and spit you out. |
||||
| CLINT YOU watch it, punk. I don't tolerate mixed metaphors. |
||||
| VERONICA Strictly speaking, Clint, those were not metaphors. Metaphors are pearls of language. Mr. Guth is no oyster. He's more the sea slug type. |
||||
| CLINT I defer to you, Veronica. You're the writer. |
||||
| MAL What the hell are you talkin' about? |
||||
| CLINT Grown-up conversation is above your head, Mal. |
||||
| DEVON Your brain has all the brilliance of a lump of lead, Mal. |
||||
| VERONICA You are not welcome in my café! |
||||
| REUBEN For the sake of your health, you should go away! |
||||
| COLLEEN, MERRITT Go away! |
||||
| MAL Come with me, Jewel! |
||||
| LEANN My life is hopeless! |
||||
|
||||
Mal leaves.
|
||||
DEVON Hey Veronica, what kind of pie do you have today? |
||||
ACT II |
||||
Scene 1: Outside the Pen and Pastry Café |
||||
Clint, Devon,
Veronica, Reuben, and Johnny are standing outside
the Pen and Pastry, which shows
signs of a fire. Red lights are flashing offstage.
|
||||
CLINT (to audience) Sirens woke me from a sweet dream starring Devon Malone. It was 3:15. I staggered to the window, almost tripping over one of the cats. There was a dim red glow against the black night sky, in the direction of the Pen and Pastry, just two long blocks from my house. I threw on some clothes, grabbed my phone, dashed out of the house, and ran the two blocks to the Pen and Pastry. Smoke was billowing from the smashed front windows. I could see flames flickering inside, but the firefighters had already brought the blaze under control. I called Veronica and told her what had happened. Then I called Devon and Reuben. I also called Johnny Crew, a retired cop that I sometimes use for backup. Twenty minutes later we were standing outside the Pen and Pastry, watching the firefighters finish their work. |
||||
| JOHNNY I just spoke with a cop I know. This was arson. Arson! A witness saw a car pull up in front of the Pen and Pastry. The driver threw a Molotov cocktail through the window. He was driving a bright red Lincoln Continental. |
||||
| CLINT,
DEVON, REUBEN, VERONICA Red Lincoln Continental! Guth! It was Guth! Malcolm Guth! |
||||
| VERONICA Evil stalks the night! Evil stalks the night, spreading fire and fear! What will I do? What will I do? My temple has been defiled. My women are not safe. My world is choked with ashes and smoke. What will I do? What will I do? I am frightened, I am frightened, what will happen now? I must keep my women safe, but I don't know how. Evil prowls through the dark of night, and fills my heart with fear. What will I do? What will I do? |
||||
| CLINT Malcolm Guth, if it's the last thing I do, I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna get you. |
||||
| DEVON You will pay for what you've done today, Malcolm Guth. You will pay. |
||||
| CLINT, DEVON Clint McCall and Devon Malone will not leave your sorry ass alone until you pay for what you've done today. |
||||
| REUBEN Dear Veronica, we have your back all the way, every day. |
||||
| VERONICA I'll rebuild the Pen and Pastry Café right away! Without delay! |
||||
| JOHNNY Like a bulldog with a bone, we won't leave Malcolm Guth alone until he pays for what he's done today. |
||||
| ALL Like a bulldog with a bone, we won't leave Malcolm Guth alone until he pays for what he's done today. |
||||
| CLINT
(to audience) I asked Johnny to take Veronica in his car, pick up LeAnn, and keep them safe at his house. It was too late to go back to bed, and too early to go to the office, so I invited Devon to walk home with me and have breakfast. |
||||
| DEVON
(to audience) I was curious to see Clint's house, and of course I was hungry, so I left my car at the Pen and Pastry, and off we went, on foot, through the early light of dawn. |
||||
They exit.
|
||||
Scene 2: Clint's Living Room |
||||
Clint
and Devon are standing together. The room is in
shambles.
|
||||
CLINT (to audience) As we approached my house, we saw Mal Guth's red Lincoln Continental pulling away from the curb and speeding off into the dawn. My front door was standing wide open. I cursed myself for failing to lock it. |
||||
Clint walks urgently out of the room. |
||||
DEVON (to audience) While Clint checked the house, I called 9-1-1 and asked them to put out an All-Points-Bulletin for Guth's car. Clint found a lot of damaged items, and nasty graffiti on the walls. But that wasn't what upset him the most. |
||||
Clint comes back into the room. |
||||
CLINT Stella! Maxine! Girls, where are you? |
||||
| DEVON I thought Colleen was your only daughter. |
||||
| CLINT They're my cats! |
||||
| DEVON You have cats? |
||||
| CLINT Do I have cats? Do the cats have me? All three of us have each other. They are sisters, loving sisters, who in kittenhood lost their mother. They are shy as shadows when strangers are around. They are terrified of noise and commotion. But when we’re alone, just the three of us, they jump into my lap, to purr and take a nap, whenever they get the notion. They are so afraid of strangers, and what came through that door was a monster, worse than anything they'd ever seen before. And I, who ought to keep them safe, left the door unlocked! I failed to protect my darling cats from danger. I left them exposed to an evil stranger. Oh, Stella, Maxine, if you are gone, what will I do? |
||||
| DEVON I have to say I find it quite endearing when a man loves cats as much as you. I've seen you with Colleen. I've seen your tender heart. But I must confess this side of you is new. Why don't you keep on looking for Stella and Maxine, while I go fix us something to eat? I'll just go find the kitchen, I'll see what I can do. A hearty breakfast can't be beat! |
||||
Devon goes into
the kitchen.
|
||||
CLINT Stella! Maxine! Come out, dear girls! I'm here to protect you now. Please come out, if you are here! Please meow! Please meow! Please come out, if you are here! Please meow! Please meow! |
||||
| STELLA,
MAXINE (from the direction of the kitchen) Meow! Meow! |
||||
| CLINT You found them! |
||||
| DEVON
(returning from the kitchen) I opened a can of salmon. I grew up with cats, I know how they work. And I see you have bacon and eggs, so... |
||||
| CLINT
(to audience) While Stella and Maxine enjoyed a can of comfort food, Devon and I ate bacon and eggs, followed—at Devon’s suggestion—by a stack of pancakes. Honestly, I’d be happy to watch Devon Malone eat pancakes every morning for the rest of my life. |
||||
| DEVON
(to audience) After breakfast, we made some more calls and organized a council of war to meet in our office at 11 am. Honestly, I think I would enjoy more breakfasts with Clint McCall. We'll see... |
||||
Scene 3: Detective Agency Office |
||||
Clint, Devon,
Veronica, Reuben, Merritt, and Johnny are gathered
downstage.
Colleen and LeAnn are huddled together upstage. |
||||
VERONICA What, what, what, what, what can we do? What can we do to learn the truth, the awful truth about Mal Guth? |
||||
| DEVON Why, why, why, why, why is LeAnn so afraid to reveal the truth, the awful truth about Mal Guth? |
||||
| JOHNNY How, how, how, how, how to detect? How to detect the awful truth, the awful truth about Mal Guth? |
||||
| MERRITT Guth is a monster, Guth is disgusting. His lousy attitude needs adjusting. |
||||
| REUBEN I'd like a chance to adjust his face. He don't belong in the human race. |
||||
| COLLEEN Look, LeAnn. Look in the mirror. Look at your face. Behind a mask of shame and fear is a lovely face. The face of a lovely young woman with her life to live. Trust us. Trust us. Tell the truth. Let your true face shine! |
||||
| CLINT My daughter Colleen is trying to help LeAnn overcome her fear. Colleen has a gentle, soothing way, so I'm sure before long we will hear the awful truth about Mal Guth. |
||||
| VERONICA,
DEVON, JOHNNY, MERRIT, REUBEN,
CLINT But when? When, when, when, when, when will we learn? When will we learn the awful truth, the awful truth about Mal Guth? |
||||
| COLLEEN Guess what! LeAnn is ready to explain what's going on with Mal Guth. This will blow your minds! |
||||
| LEANN It all started when my friend Kristi ran away from Mal and joined New Faith. Mal got so mad, he told me he'd never let me run away. |
||||
| CLINT What is New Faith? |
||||
| REUBEN It's a high-class call-girl outfit. Way outta my league! |
||||
| DEVON We may have met your friend Kristi yesterday, LeAnn. But please go on. |
||||
| LEANN So...I was with a...customer. Mal came in and shot him to death. He made me hold the gun to get my fingerprints on it. See, Mal was wearing gloves, so it's only my prints. Then he...cut one of the guy's hands off. He told me he would keep the hand and the gun in his freezer. And if I ever tried to leave him, he would give all that to the cops and I'd go down for murder. Oh, and he also took some diamonds that the dead guy was carrying. |
||||
| CLINT Diamonds? Did you get the dead man's name, by any chance? |
||||
| LEANN He just said to call him "Spike." |
||||
| DEVON Wow! I think we just solved one of our cases! |
||||
| CLINT Yes! The woman from Seattle whose husband went missing. Her name is... Alicia Roman, and her husband is a diamond dealer who goes by the name of "Spike," but his real name is... |
||||
| DEVON Morgan Klodpusser. How can you forget a name like that? Alicia said that Morgan was fond of prostitutes. It all matches. |
||||
| CLINT I guess we have some bad news for Alicia Roman. But now we need to find Guth's freezer and take possession of that gun. Guth has nothing on LeAnn without that gun. |
||||
| MERRITT I know where Mal Guth lives! He lives in an apartment above the Gentlemen's Lounge. And he goes out drinking every afternoon! If you go now, he won't be home! |
||||
| CLINT,
DEVON, REUBEN Let's go! Let's go! It's time to run! We'll break into Mal Guth's place and steal that gun! |
||||
| COLLEEN,
VERONICA, MERRITT, JOHNNY t's time to deal with that stupid clown! Let's strike a blow and bring Guth down! |
||||
| LEANN For the first time in a long time, I feel hope. For the first time in a lifetime, I have friends I can trust! I'm starting to believe, believe that I'll be free, free, free, free to start my life again. I have a steady job, and maybe someday soon I'll have a husband, a house, a car, two children, a dog, and a flower garden! |
||||
| CLINT, DEVON,
REUBEN, COLLEEN, VERONICA, MERRITT,
JOHNNY A flower garden for LeAnn! That's a most attractive plan! |
||||
| LEANN With friends like you, now I see How wonderful my life can be! |
||||
| CLINT Mal Guth is going down. |
||||
| REUBEN He's such a stupid clown. |
||||
| MERRITT That ugly sneer on his ugly face will soon be replaced with an equally ugly frown. |
||||
| JOHNNY Mal Guth is going down, down, down. |
||||
| ALL Mal Guth is going down. Mal Guth is going down. Mal Guth is going down, down, down. |
||||
Scene 4: Malcolm
Guth's Apartment
|
||||
| Clint, Devon, and
Reuben are standing in front of an upright freezer.
|
||||
CLINT, DEVON, REUBEN Let’s look inside the freezer before we have a seizure! This sense of suspense is too much to bear. What did Malcolm hide? We’d better look inside. If we don’t, then we won’t know what is hidden there. It may be quite outrageous, but we must be courageous. If it’s awful, and unlawful, we have no time to spare. Let’s look inside the freezer before we have a seizure! This sense of suspense is too much to bear. |
||||
| Clint opens the
freezer door. They all peer inside.
At the same time, Mal comes through the door. He is startled to see the intruders, who are not aware of him. He watches for a while, then withdraws. |
||||
CLINT, DEVON, REUBEN Fish. Fish. Frozen fish. Lots and lots of frozen fish. More fish. More fish. More fish, more fish, more fish. |
||||
| CLINT
(pulling out a bag) Aha! This must be the gun with LeAnn's fingerprints. |
||||
| DEVON
(pulling out a bag) And here’s the bag of Morgan Klodpusser’s diamonds. Ice on ice, you might say. |
||||
| REUBEN
(pulling out a bag and shaking it) And I never met Mr. Klodpusser, but I believe I am shaking his hand. |
||||
| DEVON Oh, Reuben, that’s gross! |
||||
| DEVON
(to audience) We put the diamonds and the hand back in the freezer, but we kept the gun. We also called Alicia Roman and told her the bad news, without going into gruesome details. |
||||
| CLINT
(to audience) And then I got a frantic call from Tanya Petoskaya. Three of her board members--Jesse, Norman, and Stanley--had been found shot to death in their homes. Tanya, Barbara Schilling, and Kristi were hiding out at the Lifestream Foundation office. |
||||
| DEVON
(to audience) We called the police to tell them about the evidence in Mal's freezer. Then we dashed over to the Lifestream Foundation. |
||||
Scene 5: The Lifestream Foundation Office |
||||
Clint, Devon, and
Reuben are standing,
while Tanya, Barbara, and Kristi sit at the conference table. |
||||
CLINT Kristi, you used to be a streetwalker for Malcolm Guth, correct? |
||||
| KRISTI That's right. |
||||
| DEVON And you not only work as a receptionist for the Lifestream Foundation, you also turn tricks for a call-girl organization known as New Faith. |
||||
| KRISTI That's right. It's given me a new start in life. |
||||
| CLINT Does the Lifestream board know about this? |
||||
| KRISTI Tanya does. I don't know about the others. |
||||
| BARBARA This is news to me! Tanya, what the hell? Are you using the Lifestream Foundation as a front for a prostitution ring? How dare you? |
||||
| TANYA Yes, New Faith is mine. And I'm proud of it! The sex business will always exist, but there is no need for sex workers to be exploited by nasty men, the way most of them are! They deserve good pay and safe working conditions. And Lifestream is not just a front for anything! Lifestream takes homeless people off the streets, gives them safety, shelter, food, and hope. New Faith takes prostitutes off the streets, protects them, enriches them, gets them off dope. Lifestream and New Faith are part of the mix of responses to social needs. Neither of them is a permanent fix, both of them are slender reeds, but if you want to do good deeds, Lifestream and New Faith… |
||||
| BARBARA Excuses! Prostitution is disgusting! Tanya, Kristi, I've lost all respect for you! |
||||
| REUBEN Hey lady, it ain't that simple. As long as lonely men have money in their pockets, there will be work for whores to do. Where I come from, that’s a fact of life. And I bet it’s true where you come from too. I ain’t no saint, but I always make sure that my girls are healthy and clean. I keep 'em off drugs, and I pay them well, and I don't let nobody treat 'em mean. Now I realize that you object, and that's an opinion that I respect. But please understand: Whores are human beings just trying to get by. And you have no idea how often I hear them cry. So please try to find a way to be kind. |
||||
| CLINT This is fascinating, but someone has killed three members of the Lifestream Foundation board, and I think we need to address that with more urgency. |
||||
Tony enters quietly, unnoticed, gun in hand. |
||||
DEVON We know that Malcolm Guth was furious when Kristi left him. I wonder if he's behind these killings. |
||||
| TONY No, that would be me. |
||||
| TANYA Tony Zahl! |
||||
| TONY The one and only. Now, I suspect that you three are armed, so please place your guns on the floor and kick them over here to me. Thank you. |
||||
| REUBEN Tony Zahl! You’re the son of a bitch who keeps trying to sell drugs to my girls. |
||||
| TONY And you must be Reuben Keys. I know you by reputation. Yes, I am the Candyman! I am the Candyman! The Candyman of your dreams! Let me take you to candy land! Life can be much sweeter than it seems. Just take my candy in your hand, and follow it to candy land. I am the Candyman! The Candyman of your dreams! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! I sell recreational drugs. Now I plan to take over New Faith. The two businesses belong together. Tanya, Barbara: I’m sure you realize that this is the end of the line. As for you other four innocent bystanders, I’m sorry, but I’m sure you understand that I can’t leave any witnesses. |
||||
| DEVON Drop dead! |
||||
Tony points his gun at Devon. |
||||
CLINT (stepping in front of Devon) Why do you have to wipe out the entire Lifestream Foundation board? You owe us an explanation before you kill us. I mean, out of common decency. |
||||
| TONY That’s only fair. You see, Tanya and I are old friends. In fact, more than friends for a time. I even asked her to marry me. Tanya, I had a thing for you. I even bought a ring for you. But you rejected me with a sneer. And that has brought us here. I suggested a merger, but Tanya rejected that proposal too. So I started calling her office with anonymous insinuations about Lifestream’s finances. I was hoping she would panic and decide to accept the merger after all. But no such luck. So I realized I would have to kill her and take over New Faith by force. Tanya, I had a thing for you. I even bought a ring for you. But you rejected me with a sneer. And that has brought us here. |
||||
| DEVON But why kill the whole Board? |
||||
| CLINT To conceal the motive for Tanya’s murder. Am I right? |
||||
| TONY Correctamundo! Yes, by wiping out the whole Board, I can make it look as if her death was part of some mysterious scheme having nothing to do with me. Tanya, I had a thing for you. I even bought a ring for you. But you rejected me with a sneer. And that has brought us here. |
||||
| DEVON How can you justify murdering people for your own selfish reasons? |
||||
| TONY Chunks of meat, pierced by bones, packed in bags of skin— People are walking carcasses. How can murder be a sin? |
||||
| CLINT If that's what you think people are, then what are you? |
||||
| TONY I am the Candyman! The Candyman! |
||||
Mal Guth rushes into the office, waving his gun around wildly. |
||||
MAL What the fuck? |
||||
| DEVON (to
audience) It’s like Gilbert and Sullivan meet Pulp Fiction! |
||||
| TONY And who the hell are you? |
||||
| REUBEN That’s Malcolm Guth. Mal, meet Tony Zahl. You two have a lot in common, you’re both vicious killers. |
||||
| CLINT This is getting to be quite a crowd. |
||||
| DEVON Should such a crowd even be allowed? |
||||
| KRISTI One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. |
||||
| REUBEN I can’t keep all these people straight. |
||||
| TONY Some are detectives, some are crooks. |
||||
| TANYA Some are wearing frightened looks. |
||||
| BARBARA Some have guns and some do not. |
||||
| MAL Some may shoot, some may get shot. |
||||
| ALL This is a crazy, mixed-up mess. What happens next is anybody’s guess! |
||||
| MAL I’m here to kill those two. No, those three. I saw them leaving my place and I followed them here. They took my Jewel, LeAnn, away from me! And there’s Kristi, the runaway whore! Make it four! LeAnn, LeAnn, I get so sentimental when I think of her in my Lincoln Continental. When people saw me with LeAnn, they said, “There goes a real man! Dark, dark, dark was the day when LeAnn ran away. I was asleep. She went out the door. And I ain't gonna be with her no more. And now you fuckers will pay! |
||||
| TONY Sorry about your girl. You’re welcome to those four. I’ll take care of the other two women. There must be no witnesses! |
||||
| MAL Right, no witnesses! |
||||
| TONY Any last words? Any last words? I love to listen to people’s last words. Stanley’s last words were, “Please, please.” Jesse’s last words were “No! No!” Norm just closed his eyes and cried. Now it’s your turn to speak before you die. |
||||
| KRISTI I wanted to be safe from the monster Guth, to earn some money, to change my life. And now, you have led the monster to me. And I am lost, lost, lost. |
||||
| BARBARA I wanted to do something, something good for the world, to repay the world for the blessings of my life. But Tanya, you have brought my death to me. And I am lost, lost, lost. |
||||
| TONY What about you, Tanya? Any last words? |
||||
| TANYA (bitterly) За то, что ты зделал это, проклят ты больше любого скота и всех диких зверей!
|
||||
| TONY Oh, Tanya! You are so sexy when you speak Russian! What does that mean? |
||||
| REUBEN It didn’t sound like no love letter. |
||||
| BARBARA I'll translate: "Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field." The voice of God, speaking to the serpent in the Garden of Eden. I used to teach Russian at the university. |
||||
| CLINT I have no last words for you. Instead, here’s some advice. The cops are looking for Mal as we speak. They may be here any second. If they find dead bodies, you're both going down. So get out of here while you still can! |
||||
| TONY Why would they think of coming here? |
||||
| CLINT They’ll be looking for Mal’s red Lincoln Continental. |
||||
| MAL I figured the cops would be after me. So I’m driving a Prius today. Like that bitch said, I ain’t as dumb as I look. |
||||
| DEVON Drop dead, you banana slug. |
||||
| TONY Elegant last words! A woman after my own heart! |
||||
| MAL Are we gonna do this or not? |
||||
| TONY Yes, it's time. All of you, move over there. |
||||
| MAL, TONY Now is the moment of victory! |
||||
| KRISTI, BARBARA, TANYA Oh, must I die now? |
||||
| DEVON, CLINT, REUBEN No, we must stop them! |
||||
| REUBEN (raising a
hand) Tony--may I ask a last question? Please? |
||||
| TONY (amused) Sure, fire away. |
||||
| MAL (sneering) Yeah, fire away! |
||||
| REUBEN So here's my question: Which of you two vicious killers is gonna be the first to figure out that if you don't want no witnesses, you gotta shoot the other guy before he shoots you? |
||||
Mal and Tony laugh, then look at each other in sudden alarm. They shoot each other simultaneously. Both drop dead. |
||||
DEVON Wow! Reuben! Great question! |
||||
All the survivors
gather around Reuben and celebrate;
then Clint and Devon go downstage and address the audience. |
||||
CLINT (to audience) We called the police, who naturally had a lot of questions, but eventually they accepted our explanations and let us all go. |
||||
| DEVON (to audience) Except the two guys on the floor. |
||||
| CLINT (to
audience) Devon and I were exhausted, so we went back to my house to check on the cats. |
||||
| DEVON (to audience) We picked up a couple of large supreme pizzas on the way. With extra toppings. |
||||
| CLINT (to
audience) And two cans of gourmet cat food, so Stella and Maxine could celebrate with us. |
||||
Scene 5: Clint's Kitchen |
||||
Clint and Devon are sitting at the kitchen table. There are two empty pizza boxes on the table. |
||||
DEVON The pizza was great, and I also enjoyed watching Stella and Maxine gobble down their food. Cats seem to make a home complete. They seem to create a domestic mood. |
||||
| CLINT The cats have alarm clocks in their tummies. They always let me know when breakfast is due. If you really enjoyed watching them eat dinner, Would you like to watch them eat breakfast too? |
||||
| DEVON Are you suggesting something, Mr. McCall? |
||||
| CLINT Whatever do you mean, Ms. Malone? |
||||
| CLINT We're lucky to be alive. Reuben is always cool under fire, but that was sheer genius. |
||||
| DEVON Yes, he asked a brilliant question. But you were also brilliant when you asked Tony to explain why he was killing everybody. That bought us time. |
||||
| CLINT I know his type. He couldn’t pass up a chance to show how clever he was. Ask a braggart to explain himself and you buy a lot of time. |
||||
| DEVON So many people died. Died so needlessly. |
||||
| CLINT First, Mal killed Morgan to blackmail LeAnn. Then, Tony killed three people to advance his evil plan. Then Mal and Tony looked at each other and opened fire. So many people died because of their desires. |
||||
| DEVON Lust is the name of their desire. Lust for flesh, lust for power. Lust that blooms like an evil flower, a scorching flame, a raging fire, igniting hearts with wild desire. Then the dying starts, the dying of desire. |
||||
| CLINT And I’m dying of desire, desire for you. Wanting you, wanting you to want me too. It’s a warm, sweet flame, a tender fire, and love is the name of my desire. When those guns were pointed at you, I wanted to stand in front of you and let the bullets hit me instead of you. In that moment of despair, I knew how much I care… |
||||
| DEVON When those guns were pointed at you, I wanted to stand in front of you and let the bullets hit me instead of you. In that moment of despair, I knew how much I care… And I’m dying of desire, desire for you. Wanting you, wanting you to want me too. It’s a warm, sweet flame, a tender fire, and love is the name of my desire. |
||||
| CLINT, DEVON I’m dying of desire, desire for you. Wanting you, wanting you to want me too. It’s a warm, sweet flame, a tender fire, and love is the name of my desire. |
||||
They kiss
passionately and begin to undress.
Then they look at the audience and realize that they are being watched. Devon takes Clint's hand and pulls him through the door into the bedroom. |
||||
STELLA, MAXINE (invisible) Meow! |
||||
The End |
Soprano 1
LeAnn “Jewel” Hannaford (prostitute / waitress)
Stella (one of Clint McCall’s cats)
Kristi Stuyvesant (Lifestream receptionist / prostitute)
Soprano 2
Colleen McCall (Clint McCall’s daughter)
Maxine (one of Clint McCall’s cats)
Barbara Schilling (Lifestream board member)
Alicia Roman (Morgan Klodpusser’s wife)
Mezzo-soprano 1
Devon Malone (private detective)
Mezzo-soprano 2
Tanya Petoskaya (Lifestream board president)
Veronica Fortune (owner of Pen and Pastry)
Tenor 1
Clint McCall (private detective)
Tenor 2
Morgan “Spike” Klodpusser (diamond dealer)
Norm Albright (Lifestream board member)
Merritt “The Ferret” Badger (fence)
Tony Zahl (drug dealer)
Baritone 1
Reuben Keys (pimp)
Jesse Carter (Lifestream board member)
Baritone 2
Malcolm “Mal” Guth (pimp)
Stanley Overton (Lifestream board member)
Johnny Crew (retired cop)
Glenn Harris is the author of the Clint McCall - Devon Malone Mystery series featuring two Portland, Oregon, private detectives. He lives and writes in the middle of the Columbia Gorge National Scenic Area (Hood River, Oregon).
Glenn's former lives include college English teacher, private K-12 school, graphic design business owner, weekly newspaper managing editor, corporate manager, and taekwondo instructor.
After an academic career in linguistics, language teaching, and teacher training, Ashley Hastings moved to Eugene, Oregon and morphed into a creator of operas.
Three short operas by Ashley have been produced to date. Free Men and The Dream were premiered in March 2023 in Springfield, Oregon, by Cascadia Chamber Opera. When Dragons Come To Play was premiered by CCO in August 2024 in Astoria, Oregon.
The fictional detective Clint McCall has two cats, "Stella" and "Maxine," who appear in every book in the Clint McCall - Devon Malone Mystery series. They bear a striking resemblance to actual cats who lived with author Glenn Harris for many years. That's the real Stella (2005-2024) on the left and her sister Maxine (2005-2023) on the right. Their namesakes are heard, but not seen, several times in this operetta. They even get the last "meow"!